returning to Lent. one moment at a time.

Lent in everyday language is written off of the pages of my own story where I play the leading role of wife, mother, author, and sometimes-scholar of spiritual formation/soul care and prayer. For each day of Lent, I am committing to fast from my typical outward communication and practice the daily examen. Simply put, the examen is a centuries old practice that helps us notice where God is working in our everyday-ordinary-activity filled lives.

If you have even a small desire to join in this 40-day journey, please know that you do not have to get up in the dark or commit hours and hours of time.  Perhaps in this season of Lent where we might be tempted to give up eating sugar ((again)) or not participate in Lent at all ((again)).. perhaps we can make a change in the way we commonly spend 30 minutes or more of our day and simply ask ourselves two questions about our day.

That’s it. Two questions.

Give up some time spent on distracting activities for 40 days. Read through some reflective questions. Respond here (if you dare 🙂 ) or in a journal or on your own blog. And the hope for all of us is that we will learn together how to recognize what things in life are life giving and what things in our lives are more likely to bring us despair and fragmentation.  Hint: If you are doing the examen in the morning hours, you may want to reflect on the day that has just passed. If you are doing these exercises in the evening, you would review the events of the day you are in. Just saying.

In preparation for Day One, here are your two questions

1. For what moment today am I most grateful?
2. For what moment today am I least grateful?

Looking forward to returning to God together

this new year. in 52 parts.

The skill of writing is to create a context in which other people can think. Edwin Schlossberg

 

shrieks of laughter can often turn to tears of defeat when two little boys start to wrestle in their pajamas on my giant sized bed. it’s the softest playground they can imagine.

its tempting to let them wrestle away as i type here. just trying to sort out a few of the thoughts that invite me in this new year named 2013. wanting so desperately to start this year differently – yet knowing how mundane and even maniacal some of the new year mechanics have been for me in the past.

1. write ambitious list with every hopeful financial, spiritual, physical, and relational goal
2. visit list periodically throughout the year and be sorely disappointed
3. repeat. repeat. repeat.

this year invites me to so much change. so much growth. so much love and nurturing of my soul and the souls of those nearest and dearest to me. i don’t want to miss a moment of it. and writing it all down helps us to remember and not miss a moment of things.

so as the boys wrestle precariously close to my fragile bedside lamp and piles of suitcases wait to be unpacked from our fabulous family visit to California i pause and ask this week, this first week:

what desires my attention? what is desperate for my affection? what distracts my best intentions? lead me to the truth of what is best suited for peaceful and purposeful daily living.

right now, i think these boys need a wrestling coach.

xo.

mother.author.scholar.mother.

i don’t know why i wrote this is july. it seems so much more appropriate in the wake of what is happening now.

Soul Simple

It’s no ordinary morning that I find myself back in these simple pages. I’ve had a night, a sleepless night, of wondering and listening to God for His love for me. In seasons like the one I currently reside, loss and transition and disorientation are the expected companions. What I was not prepared for, however, has been the constant presence of hope and even her sister… gratitude.

I care very little this morning for looking around me and noticing all of the ways I might have failed, how others might have failed, how our very human culture seems to fail at the most basic levels of human kindness and care. It is probable that part of my awakened state came as I read a brief report of what we are learning is one of the greatest massacres in American history. Colorado, my heart has been with those mortally and emotionally…

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simply breathing

whatever your family bed or nap time routine might entail, there is that final moment when your child’s breathing becomes soft and regular and you know they are are out.

in that moment i am always acutely aware of my own posture.

perfect stillness.

perfect breathing.

perfect peace.

and even with a thousand ragged thoughts clamoring for my response, in that exact moment, i quiet every single one of them. other children and their homework questions will have to wait. phone calls are irrelevant.  bills and to-do lists will have to get in line behind this perfect moment of stillness and quiet breathing where i am doing the very very most important thing in the entire world: breathing quietly so my little one can sleep. my failures or supposed successes of the day do not compare to the sense of ease and rest that finds me snuggled nose to nose with a sleeping child.

so for every moment of chaos and disease that comes for you today, i send an invitation to become aware of simply breathing. it might be the most life giving thing you can give yourself today.

Summer storms in a very dark night

The rip of lightening across the yard rips me out of sleep and quickly to the window. Its still a novelty to this California girl to experience such a wild display of weather in the summer months. Sometimes, like tonight, the lightening comes on tiptoe for hours… Simply lapping across the sky in silent displays of firework like burst of intense white light. Science aside, these storms are nothing short of wonderful, wonder full.

Heart pounding now I quickly begin the ritual of closing windows. The wind sneaks in a spray of fresh rain while I slam the window closed and blows on my face the most intense breath of earthy breath.

Pound. Pound. Pound.

Adrenaline comes to me in these moments not only because of what feels like impending natural danger but also because I am so emotionally and spiritually moved by the intense energy and beauty of these onset storms. One moment, peaceful slumber. The next instant, fully awake to life. It is impossible to sleep as every pulse point is at the ready. Fully alive because of this dangerous beauty. Merciless lightening slaps at trees where some branches will not escape. Thunder applauds.

Heart pounding I am expectant and slightly fearful. No one in their sane mind would venture out into this wild dance, but I long to. No one in their safe mind would risk being struck, but what is this human longing to be out where life is wild and unexpected.

Pound. Pound. Pound.

One hand on the cool glass I peer out. Something like sadness comes over me as I recognize that this is as close as I will ever be to this beautiful and dangerous storm.

Heart subsiding to normal beats, I finally lay down and simply let the dark quiet of the after storm console me.

Soul grateful

It’s no ordinary morning that I find myself back in these simple pages. I’ve had a night, a sleepless night, of wondering and listening to God for His love for me. In seasons like the one I currently reside, loss and transition and disorientation are the expected companions. What I was not prepared for, however, has been the constant presence of hope and even her sister… gratitude.

I care very little this morning for looking around me and noticing all of the ways I might have failed, how others might have failed, how our very human culture seems to fail at the most basic levels of human kindness and care. It is probable that part of my awakened state came as I read a brief report of what we are learning is one of the greatest massacres in American history. Colorado, my heart has been with those mortally and emotionally wounded by the impact of one human who could not creep out of the fear and loss and disorientation of his own soul.

Instead, out of nowhere, my youngest boy giggles in his sleep. Loudly. For several minutes. And suddenly in all of this mess, the fullness of joy breaks in. Right there while I am in the dark, lightness. Right there in a place of fear, total abandon and freedom.

And isn’t that just what God offers? Daily, amazing, sustaining grace in forms both profound and plebeian. Surreal and simple.

So the dark nights make way for dawn
Stars make way for morning birdsongs
Skies transform daily into canvas
Only One knows how to move nature through perfect design.

Shame and fear are silenced when Gratitude sits at the breakfast table.
Counting even the trials as joy, she hands out a cup of remembrance.. God loves.
Hope sings of better things to come like so many early birds perched safely in their nests
She laughs at the days to come and has no fear of what’s ahead
Only One knows how to impart this confidence of heart.

In this exact moment, soul grateful.

Eastertide. Jesus walks with me.

I’m a couple weeks into new routine of paying attention more regularly to my prayer life. I have been doing this through the discipline of praying the hours. I can’t say that I have hit every time slot, but what has happened to my train of thought has been nothing short of wonderful.

As an extrovert with a husband working mostly from home and four children, I have no shortage of voices to engage my thinking throughout the day. Maybe for you it is work conversations, people you bump into at school, your children’s coaches or ballet teachers. Maybe for you, you have voices that are challenging or exhausting. Maybe as much as you love talking (like me) the sound of your own voice and thought life exhausts you at times.

Fixed hour prayer has been one way to integrate all of my external noise with internal dialogue with Jesus. Our family is in the midst of a few path-altering choices where my husband and I are facing decisions that affect our financial future. We can only talk about these things for so long before we come to a place where we are forced to surrender. We do not control every outcome. We do not hold the responses of others under our influence. We can make predictions, but they are just as likely to not happen as they are to happen. So instead of spinning these thoughts like plates in the air, fixed hour prayer is one way to set all of the plates back in the cupboard and let them rest for awhile. After a momentary pause from spinning, I am finding myself more content with the unknown, more ready to face the next few hours without anxiety.

We have many voices to engage throughout the days and week.  For me it is husband, children, friends, ministry partners, authors, spiritual directees and mentees who cause my own mental noise to become a jumbled mess of ideas and problems to consider.  Having the fixed mark of praying the hours has been one way to regularly deposit the cares and concerns of my day into the capable hands of Jesus Christ.Then, I move on the the next few hours with a much more contented and clear conscience. It’s as if these regular stops are reminding my soul that God is always aware of me in an even greater way than my little mind is aware of Him.

• Do you find it easy or difficult to pray throughout the day?
• What are the practices of habits that you engage to bring you back into knowing the presence of God?

Eastertide. Jesus walking around.

Today we went on a looonnnggg car ride to take a look at a possible kitchen space for my husbands biz. I thought about how car rides have changed since I was a kid. Media, in it’s many forms, has made the car less of a family cocoon and more of a place to be individually entertained ( at least in our family these days).

And something about this bothers me so much even while i do very little to change it. It’s like something invisible and powerful presses slightly against my best intentions and I give in like my life depends on it.

Enter the daily office. A simple little practice ( well, in theory) where I am joining the monastic cultures worldwide to pause at regular intervals and enter in to an intentional time of reciting prayer. I have attempted this practice before and failed miserably…. Or did I? Even the attempting to draw closer to my heavenly Father, the Spirit who loves me, and Jesus my savior and friend… Even my worst attempts can bring such intimacy. Even a half read prayer is giving me new language to communicate with and about God.

And just like the way I am raising my kiddos, my absolute number one priority is that my children know they are watched and waited for… No matter what. That we learn each others language and give grace where grace is needed. Car rides are great places to do all of that, even if there is music or movies or iPod touch games or instagram photos or texting or whatever! It’s not my ideal, but we are drawing nearer to one another, observing each other, watching and learning each others language. And any one who has ever travelled in a car with children longer than 4 minutes knows that auto travel is a hotbed for grace awakenings.

So, imperfectly and less than ideal I may go, I purpose myself to journey this path of daily prayer.
Want to join me?

The Refrain for Tuesday Morning Lessons:
Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord.

Why I am observing Eastertide… the 50 days of Easter.

“We do not think ourselves into new ways of living, we live ourselves into new ways of thinking.”
― Richard Rohr

I so appreciate just about everything that Richard Rohr has to say. He is a man that is not only a prolific writer and thinker (which is inspiring) but he is a man who has pursued simplicity and integration as ways to make his faith more real (which is even more inspiring). I’d like to think that is my aim as well.

So in this season of Eastertide (the days beginning Resurrection day until Pentecost) (a season I have never observed in any formal way) I purpose myself into a new way of “thinking by living”. For the next 50 days I will attempt to read through the liturgy of the hours. For those unfamiliar with this practice, I promise to share more as I go. Simply put, it is a practice of praying on the hour about every three hours throughout the day with some specific guidelines to help anchor your time. The best way I have heard liturgy of the hours described is by Phyllis Tickle who writes

“The daily offices are like small chapels or wayside stations within the days courses” (The Divine Hours/Pocket Edition).

In recent years I have fallen in love with the practices of churches that have pentecostal theology. Somehow in my formative faith, I missed the emphasis of the Holy Spirit and it’s power for transformation in much of my life as a Christian. Just a few years ago, I was fortunate to have a time span of two years where I was weekly attending church services where the gifts of the Holy Spirit were part of the teaching. Concurrently I was engaged in a Masters in Spiritual Formation program that included several courses and experiences that reconnected for me the link between healing and Christian spirituality. It was as if God woke me up into the reality that the Holy Spirit was more than a fuzzy feeling, but a Person coming to bring me the fullness of the Kingdom Jesus kept talking about to me in Scriptures.

Why do I bring this up here?

Eastertide, which begins on Easter Sunday, is the 40 day journey between Jesus resurrection and His ascension and then 10 days later, the Holy Spirit arrives. (Easter+40=ascension. Easter+50=Holy Spirit arrives).

When I think back to my own Christian life, most of it could be summarized as an Eastertide Christian. I had a deep relationship with Jesus and was well acquainted with God through His Word, but I had not ever really recognized or received the Holy Spirit as a person to have a relationship with. As long as Jesus was in the picture, the Holy Spirit could remain an ambiguous force . But an encounter with the Holy Spirit changed that for me. And that is something I wish to commemorate by acknowledging that as real as the historical appearance of the Holy Spirit was at Pentecost, I have had my own pentecostal experience. So in this season, another one of expectation and mystery, I lean in through a new spiritual path of regular intervals to pause and pray and watch for the movement of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

So perhaps in this season of Easter, you can be expectant about the ways in which the Living Jesus will encounter you? Perhaps there is a way to pray or notice Jesus that you would like to observe for this period of time?

Perhaps you would like to share some of those ideas and observations here?