Summer storms in a very dark night

The rip of lightening across the yard rips me out of sleep and quickly to the window. Its still a novelty to this California girl to experience such a wild display of weather in the summer months. Sometimes, like tonight, the lightening comes on tiptoe for hours… Simply lapping across the sky in silent displays of firework like burst of intense white light. Science aside, these storms are nothing short of wonderful, wonder full.

Heart pounding now I quickly begin the ritual of closing windows. The wind sneaks in a spray of fresh rain while I slam the window closed and blows on my face the most intense breath of earthy breath.

Pound. Pound. Pound.

Adrenaline comes to me in these moments not only because of what feels like impending natural danger but also because I am so emotionally and spiritually moved by the intense energy and beauty of these onset storms. One moment, peaceful slumber. The next instant, fully awake to life. It is impossible to sleep as every pulse point is at the ready. Fully alive because of this dangerous beauty. Merciless lightening slaps at trees where some branches will not escape. Thunder applauds.

Heart pounding I am expectant and slightly fearful. No one in their sane mind would venture out into this wild dance, but I long to. No one in their safe mind would risk being struck, but what is this human longing to be out where life is wild and unexpected.

Pound. Pound. Pound.

One hand on the cool glass I peer out. Something like sadness comes over me as I recognize that this is as close as I will ever be to this beautiful and dangerous storm.

Heart subsiding to normal beats, I finally lay down and simply let the dark quiet of the after storm console me.


Soul grateful

It’s no ordinary morning that I find myself back in these simple pages. I’ve had a night, a sleepless night, of wondering and listening to God for His love for me. In seasons like the one I currently reside, loss and transition and disorientation are the expected companions. What I was not prepared for, however, has been the constant presence of hope and even her sister… gratitude.

I care very little this morning for looking around me and noticing all of the ways I might have failed, how others might have failed, how our very human culture seems to fail at the most basic levels of human kindness and care. It is probable that part of my awakened state came as I read a brief report of what we are learning is one of the greatest massacres in American history. Colorado, my heart has been with those mortally and emotionally wounded by the impact of one human who could not creep out of the fear and loss and disorientation of his own soul.

Instead, out of nowhere, my youngest boy giggles in his sleep. Loudly. For several minutes. And suddenly in all of this mess, the fullness of joy breaks in. Right there while I am in the dark, lightness. Right there in a place of fear, total abandon and freedom.

And isn’t that just what God offers? Daily, amazing, sustaining grace in forms both profound and plebeian. Surreal and simple.

So the dark nights make way for dawn
Stars make way for morning birdsongs
Skies transform daily into canvas
Only One knows how to move nature through perfect design.

Shame and fear are silenced when Gratitude sits at the breakfast table.
Counting even the trials as joy, she hands out a cup of remembrance.. God loves.
Hope sings of better things to come like so many early birds perched safely in their nests
She laughs at the days to come and has no fear of what’s ahead
Only One knows how to impart this confidence of heart.

In this exact moment, soul grateful.