Broken. Disorganized. Misplaced. Messy. Tired. Teary. Thoughtful.
Let’s begin here.
I start this day (early) wondering how I can push through this heavy feeling of being so behind. Little laundry hills in every bedroom. Beds unmade, dishes unwashed, floors un-vacuumed. I have a friend who compares motherhood to the movie Groundhogs Day. It is somewhere on her blog with a hilarious yet painful tribute to the daily grind of mothering and homemaking starting over at the same way every single morning. Yesterday I made all sorts of “unproductive” choices in terms of managing my home life:
- talking to my husband for two hours after the kids were dropped off from school
- watching my husband play with my son (40 minutes)
- going to eat lunch with my husband (60 minutes)
- going to the craft store with my husband to buy 5 sheets of specialty paper for my daughters project (30 minutes)
- talking with a dear dear family friend on our porch. well, mostly just listened to him share his heart. (50 minutes)
- listened and encouraged a friend on the phone to believe the dreams God is giving her (34 minutes)
- wrote prayers online and via text to people that I love who needed prayer (??? minutes)
- walked with my eldest and youngest to the beach and watched them chase birds for an hour
- went to a friends house and helped her clean, prep, and pray for a journey she will be taking away from her children for the first time in a long long time
- stayed up late late late reading Angela Robinsons blog, my best friend who is now dancing in heaven with Jesus
Jesus, I need you every hour.These are the activities that bring me the greatest joy and sense of fulfilling the plans for Your Kingdom, where relationships matter more than material goods. Where people are not INTERRUPTIONS to our goals and ambitions, people are the goals and ambitions. Where I will have less to manage and distract me from the people that I love so much and want to bless so much and be with so much. Where Heaven and Earth will meet and all will be restored to dancing and chasing birds and long talks with loved ones and the ocean brings a smile and prayer is our natural language and beauty absolutely matters.
But today it is laundry and bills and sticky floors and a late assignment and disordered thinking and hoping that the noise in the car will just go away.
Where do I notice God today?
Today I notice God in people and their pain. God seems to be stirring up in people I know a Holy discontent for the staus quo and foolishness that popular culture (in and out of the church) has been feeding them. I had lunch earlier this week with two people who just speak the Truth and the way God intended His creation to operate. I agree with them that for the most part, we are not living in any kind of Eden. But for me, when I am in conversations with these “discontent” ones, it is not a complaining and bitterness that they are pouring out. It is a deep deep desire to see life being lived as close to God as possible… in marriages, in friendships, in community life, in church life, in functioning better as a family, in vocational pursuits. I consider it an absolute God appointed conversation whenever the people I am talking with have such high expectations for what life could be like if we could simply operate in the authority and gifting and purpose and joy that God meant for us.
John Piper says it this way “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him”
Frederick Buechner has written that “vocation is where our greatest joy meets the world’s greatest need”
Where do I need to notice God today?
In these myriad relationships, I need God to speak through me. Therefore, I need to be a quiet listener. I know that in moments God will be able to break through my mini-sermons or speeches, but at the end of the day I am wondering how much God was really able to use me with all of my talking. Or are my words only able to come out of my mouth the way that they do because God has given me the abilities of discernment and leadership and prayer? I am not sure and I know that I can’t ask around about this. My nice friends will tell me I am helpful and my mean friends (oxymoron? I think not) that I do talk too much. SO there is only time and space to ask the God of all creation and communication to show me Himself in my speech. I am far less concerned these days with what other people think of me than what other people think of God when they are with me.
How do these questions help you notice God today?