an excercise in protecting our authentic selves

In many ways, I have grown up and away from my childish ego- the one that needs to be petted and praised and approved of incessantly. I have left her somewhere in my toy box in pursuit of nobler virtues like loving others well, standing up for Truth, and letting my grown up voice speak for me.

But just today I pulled out this tantrum-throwing-ego and let her boss me around a bit. I became aware of how many acquaintances have been let go (and have let go of me) while I descended into mourning and contemplation.  This quiet and isolated place led me out into new pursuits of deeply life giving friendships. Friendships that do not cajole or manipulate or use and betray. So while I hold these precious gifts of friendship in one hand, my ego wanted me to remember today how many people have no interest in really knowing how I am doing or what I have to say. insert small sigh.

and for one moment. i felt that wild tug and tear at my insides to rush out and repair and explain and beg for a pass back into the shallow waters of some of these murky relationships. I almost did.

But a message interrupted me from Scripture about unity and snapped me back to my truest place of self knowledge. Unity is the word I used to confuse with the word COMPROMISE and BEING QUIET and NEVER CONFRONTING and SELF-DEPRECIATION IN THE THE NAME OF HUMILITY. In this simple scripture, I was reminded of how Jesus and His Father and The Holy Spirit remain as One. It struck me that these Three remained together by mutual agreement and submission. Each one giving up and giving over to the good of one another… for MY sake.  Jesus prayed that Amy would have the same unity among His Followers that He shared with His Father and Creator of the Universe.  I accept today that this grand prayer is meant for me to allure me into relationships that are built on principles of true unity, where my most authentic self and my most special and particular gifts are honored by those who live in closest proximity to my heart.

So once again I put away my childish things and childish dreams of popularity and praise, and contemplate the many ways God is inviting my truest self to surrender to the others with the highest honor and most unconditional love I can muster.


One thought on “an excercise in protecting our authentic selves

  1. Yes! This is so, so true. I find in myself a similar warring sometimes — the pull toward my toy box in order to pacify my ego, then the reminder of my true self that doesn’t need to go about those games at all.

    I love your heart, Amy. It is brilliant and shining and beautiful. And I love that you are someone who is willing to step out and say, “This. I struggle with this. But here is what it looks like for me to untangle from the cords that would tie me down in the struggle.”

    Love to you, sweet friend. xo

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